sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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