So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
