Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
