Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want a musical about memes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
