u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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