I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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