she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
