i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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