I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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