Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish you could order shots online.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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