Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She bit a glass in half.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
