I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
