How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
