I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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