you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
