it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
