Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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