I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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