awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
