Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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