You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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