She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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