I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize