my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
