so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
