My balls are so social today.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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