I didn't shave. On purpose
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
A+ Viking dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize