I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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