Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize