when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
