Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
