I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
