I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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