entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
