Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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