I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize