i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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