i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
