so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
