her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
