Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
