party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
