Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
