You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
