he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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