I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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