Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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