I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
