and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
