drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
