Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
