well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
