can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
