theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
