he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
