my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
