the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize