i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
