i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
