Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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