WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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