Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
