how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
where are my eyebrows?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize