I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
