I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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