My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
