i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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