My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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