its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
time to smoke my breakfast
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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