Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
