I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
