Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
