i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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