mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
