I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
