You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
