theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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