god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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