now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
