Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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