I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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