Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
