Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
