I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
