Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
PANTIES FOUND
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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