I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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