I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
