I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
