Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
