considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
