We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize