Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
