Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
