dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
