I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
