My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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