i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
