we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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