I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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