he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
