this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
