Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize