Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
